Things I’ve Learned from Italians

When I first arrived in Italy, I was rather shy, quiet, and reserved. I wouldn’t usually initiate conversations, nor would I offer personal information as that was reserved only for people close to me. I also feel I was quite naïve because I believed most people were good-natured. I was very passionate, as I’ve always been, but I thought I should tame it down and not show my wild emotions or overreact to things. I now believe it’s due to my culture. Americans learn from an early age to keep their cool in situations, not cause a show, be strong, and suppress their feelings. There are plenty of things I’ve learned from people in Italy that have changed my way of being in a positive way.

First of all, I remember one of the first things that shocked me about people here when I first arrived is how easily they talk about anything. They’re not afraid to say what they think or express exactly how they feel; plus, there are practically no taboo subjects it seems. I remember often thinking just how much they talk. They’re also very curious and would ask me (and still do) lots of questions about me, my country, and what I thought about everything in general. For a private person like myself, I felt like they were probing sometimes and it would make me nervous.

I’ve now learned to open up and talk about anything myself. Not only do I enjoy it, but I’ve realized that I find conversations like this more rewarding. Now I even feel that maybe our conversations are a bit shallow. I’ve become much more outspoken than before, and I’m no longer hesitant to state my opinion. On the contrary, I do it often and even probe into people’s minds. If our opinions differ, it just gives us something to discuss.

Second, living here I realized that we as American tend to suppress our feelings and emotions, while Italians do just the opposite. It must be due to their passion, which drives just about everything that they do. In the US, we are taught to keep our emotions under control. Here instead, emotions often take control of people and they just let them run wild. And that’s perfectly ok. If someone does something irrational because they got taken over by their anger, passion, or love, it’s acceptable. In fact, it’s better than not showing emotions. If you don’t show or talk about how you feel, you appear cold or uncaring. So, I’ve learned to just say what I feel and not keep things bottled up.

Next, I used to take it as a given that people are naturally good-natured and respect others. Maybe this isn’t a culture thing but a result of my life experiences and somewhat sheltered life. However, that trusting nature here will cost you, as I soon learned. Italians are notorious for cheating, bending the rules and trying to get away with as much as possible. So if you let them, they will walk all over you. I know this could be true in the US too, but I feel I’ve encountered this a lot more here. You are ultimately responsible for protecting yourself and having your own interests in mind because no one else will. They will take and take until you tell them to stop. And if you don’t, they’ll just think you’re ok with it. The negative side is that sometimes I feel you have to get aggressive, yell, and get angry to be taken seriously and get respect from people.

I’ve also learned from them that if you don’t ask, you just don’t know what you can get. They push the limits to see how much they can get away with. At times I now use this to my advantage. I’ll ask for things just to see if I can get away with it…you just never know.

Finally, Italians have taught me to be warm, loving, and affectionate, something I somewhat lacked before. Rather, I didn’t lack it, but I would suppress it. They will go out of their way to make you feel comfortable and at home, as they are naturally hospitable and warm.

Again, for a private and sensitive person, all these loose emotions, feelings, and deep conversations are risky because they open a door to your soul, sometimes revealing secrets and thus making you vulnerable. However, this risky behavior also opens the door to some deep worthwhile connections.